


Cake Ninjas and Woes Over Stained Shirts

by FandomChic



Category: Psych
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Banter, Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, One Shot, Robbery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 17:32:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17687837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomChic/pseuds/FandomChic
Summary: Shawn and Gus are attacked by a mysterious Cake Ninja at the Psych Office.





	Cake Ninjas and Woes Over Stained Shirts

**Author's Note:**

> I found this in the endless depths that is my google drive. Originally this was a prompt request from my friend but I re-read, liked it, and decided to post it. I doubt anyone will actually find this, but what the hell. Enjoy.

It was a hot summers day at the Psych: Private Psychic Detective office. Late afternoon sunbeams cast a shadow of the front window’s bubbled letters onto the floor. There was important work to be done that afternoon; as there often was in the crime-fighting business. Mysteries to be solved, criminals to be locked up, people to impress. The title of Lead Psychic for the SBPD came with its benefits and its burdens. Only so much pressure could one person take, even if it was for the greater good of Santa Barbara. But that was their job, to protect the people of their hometown, and to be there to fight alongside the police force.

Burton Guster walked in that afternoon to find Shawn Spencer out cold in his spinny desk chair, a large basketball cake sitting comfortably in his lap. Shawn’s head was tilted back at an ungodly angle as drool slowly dripped out of his mouth and onto the floor below. Gus raised his head and tutted in disappointment at the sight.

Setting his bag down on his own desk, Gus took off his coat and set it on his chair, never looking away from Shawn. He could wake him up rudely, but he decided that was too, well, rude. He should get after him for not doing the paperwork again, he noted as he saw the unopened letters sitting on Shawn’s desk, but he couldn’t find it in himself. At this point, it was such a recurring event that he didn’t really care anymore. Instead, he approached the sleeping man carefully and gently took the circular cake from his lap. Shawn made no move to wake other than to snort, twitch, and mutter something under his breath. 

Sitting down in his own chair again, Guster dug around in his drawers before finding a slightly bent plastic fork. Right now, paperwork could wait. Digging into the orange frosted cake and balancing a hefty bite on the fork, he closed his eyes and opened his mouth.  

A loud crashing noise scared him as he snapped his eyes opened, startling his fork. The large piece of cake fell to the ground as he noticed a blur hurtling toward him in a shower of glass and black. He let out a girlish scream and held out his hands in front of him. The figure leaped through the shattered window and landed in the office in a graceful tumble and a roll. 

Letting out a series of, what can be only described as, hyena mating calls, Gus stumbled away from the intruder. Bracing himself dramatically against the lockers, he stared petrified at the figure before him. 

The individual wore all black attire including a black mask that only left a slit of his eyes exposed. With a samurai sword clenched tightly in his gloved hand, he looked menacing indeed. Then, Gus noticed a small, embroidered patch on the man’s suit. It was hard to tell from the distance, but he was sure it was the logo of a birthday cake.

“Cake ninja?”

The cake ninja made a move closer toward him and Gus let out another high pitched scream. Grabbing the object closest to him, a Thunder Cat statue, he chucked it wimpily, letting out a grunt of effort as he did. The less-than-ideal ammo flew through the air and hit the ninja square in the head. The intruder recoiled slightly, more in confusion than injury. 

Looking over, Gus noticed that Shawn was still out cold, not at all fazed by that breaking-and-entering that was occurring. 

“Shawn!” Gus tried to wake his friend up, but the daytime nap-endurance was strong in this one. “Don’t do this to me man! Com’on!”  

His calls were unfruitful. 

Meanwhile, the intruder had advanced a couple more steps towards him, samurai sword raised in preparation. Gus (again) let out a cry and grabbed the pineapple that sat trustingly in their office at all times. Positioning his fingers, holding it next to his head and dipping down to a low squat, he launched the projectile as if it was a football. He stumbled awkwardly as the pineapple left his hand. 

This time, his attack hit his adversary square in the chest, knocking him back on his butt. The pineapple tragically bounced and splattered on the wall behind him. 

But the cake ninja was already recovering and Gus had to think fast. His eyes whipping frantically around the room as he let out little sounds at each exhale. He searched for an answer. His gaze fell on the cake he had left abandoned on the floor next to his desk. Looking up briefly at the advancing ninja, he dove across the ground and grabbed ahold of the orange sports cake. Scrambling to his feet, he stepped away from the ninja, starring him right in the eyes.

The ninja lowered his sword slightly and moved to circle in front of Gus. Gus paired him and they awkwardly shuffled across from each other, neither man breaking eye contact. The tension was thick. The silence would have been thick as well, but Gus’ breaths were coming sharp now, somewhere between a wheezing and the sound of a dog dying. The cake ninja relaxed his stance and looked at Gus, confusion evident in his masked face. 

Gus let out a screech and lifted the cake, aiming to the dessert straight for the man’s groin. The ninja reacted fast as Gus threw. He jumped up like an elegant tree frog and out of harm’s way. However, time slowed down and Gus watched in horror as the cake hurtled towards a sleeping Shawn. There was no stopping the projectile pastry now. Gus didn’t even have time to look away. The cake splattered right onto Shawn, as terrible as a violent car crash. 

For all the nap training in the world, even Shawn Spencer couldn’t sleep through that. He awoke with a start, sputtering out a stray piece of icing out of his mouth. He looked up, startled, at Gus who stood just a few feet away, shell-shocked. For a few seconds he couldn’t find his words.

“Gus, If you wanted a piece, you could have just asked nicely,”

Gus couldn’t find the thing to say. “I-I,”

“No, seriously man. I know you’re supposed to be keeping yourself off the carbs and it can be very embarrassing to ask me, your best man, but its not that hard dude. Yes I can be sometimes very intimidating, like an angry Mexican wrestler some people would even say--”

Gus furrowed his brow. “Shawn,”

“--with all my perfect hair and cunning wits, but you really need to ease up on the aggressive side. People may not take kindly to it and it may hurt business--”

“Shawn.”

“-- and yes, I know that it can be good to mess around with your bros, ruff it with the homies, but that no excuse to--

“Shawn!”

Shawn looked up at him and stopped animating his lively story with his hands. “Yes?”

“I don’t know if it occurred to you in that thick skull of yours, but I didn’t throw it because I wanted any, Shawn. I threw it because there was a cake ninja attacking me. And I don’t think that your hair is so perfect. In fact, right now at the moment, I think it makes you look like the cousin of Cousin It.” Gus gave him a look.

“First of,” Shawn started “My hair is fabulous and you can’t deny that. This mane defies gravity, baby. Second, you can’t say it makes me look like the cousin of a fictional cousin. That’s repetitive and downright hurtful to It’s family. Maybe they never wanted him in the family, maybe all they ever wanted was for him to go to the barber and save him all trouble. And E, cake ninja? Seriously dude? If you’re going to come up with an excuse at least let it be believable. Like the tooth fairy or a little midget with a pointy hat.” 

“I know you won’t believe me, Shawn, but that’s what happened.”

Shawn stared at him disbelievingly. “Oh yeah?”

Gus crossed his arms. “Yeah. Why else would that window be destroyed or your shirt stained with cake?”

Shawn looked down at his blue-now-orange shirt and gasped. He grabbed a handful of the stained clothing in dismay. “Man! I just bought this thing! Do you think I could return it?”

“Shawn, that window is going to cost us a fortune to replace. And this time I suggest we get a bullet-proof one.”

“Well it’s your fault that cake stealing ninjas are trying to kill us,” Shawn retorted, still upset about his ruined shirt. Gus tutted and turned to walk away from him. 

Shawn raised his hands. “Oh come on Gus, I’m sorry, Ok?”

Gus looked back at him, still glaring, and grabbed his coat.

“Look, I’m sorry I made fun of your cake ninjas, I’m sure they were nice people.”

Gus grabbed his backpack and exited the office.

“Really? You’re leaving? That’s a bit immature, don’t you think.” Gus didn’t respond as he veered out of sight. Shawn was left standing in the middle of the room, covered in a sweet mush. 

A second passed and he called “Do you have any cake by chance! I was really looking forward to eating this one!”

  
  



End file.
